I cannot sleep. It’s not just that either. I haven’t been able to sleep for the last 3 weeks. I go through the week getting maybe 8 hours of sleep combined, and then crash on the weekends.
This is totally opposite of what I would like, because I’ve found that I can’t stay awake long enough to enjoy Joe’s company during the weekend.
Which is making these last 2 or so months that we have together FLY by even more…which I think may have something to do with this bout of insomnia.
I’ve done the structuring, the ‘cleaning’ of the environment…but I have yet to find the ‘cure’ for all of the random things that are running through my head. And they aren’t ever good things. How do you ever get rid of the “what ifs” that flow through your mind??? How do you just let go of everything that you’ve seen in the day, everything that is in store for you, and everything that could happen???
Now I’ve gone and ruined everyone else’s day as well…I’m sorry. It’s just that I am exhausted, I can’t fall asleep, and I don’t want to think about kids being hurt or mistreated, papers and tests that I need to write, and most of all I don’t want to think about the fact that in a couple of months my husband is going to be moving across the country without me, and flying (without me to be there to do all of the crazy superstitious stuff I do on a daily basis…like it matters…but it’s a interesting phenomena), and deploying, and then it shouldn’t be too far of a stretch to know where my mind heads from there.
It’s no wonder I can’t sleep. I’m too much of a sourpuss. It’s just that this damn bear that Joe got me before he left for TBS doesn’t hug back, and I’m sleeping on a futon, and I don’t have someone stealing covers, or breathing next to me, and I miss that.
Okay, I’m going to take my pity party else where before I run you all off!!!!
Sorry for my early morning rants. I am typically a lot better. I really think that lack of sleep as well as lack of all of the crazy integrating of information, restorative crap that happens in REM makes me NOT a happy camper.
That, and to be honest. What I am tearing up about now is that your metabolism slows when you are sleep deprived. So on top of missing my husband, being stressed about school, and otherwise pissy-pants about society/parents/ect’s treatment of children, my run earlier today is going to do NO good, and I am going to continue to NOT be able to fit into ANY of my CLOTHING. Much less want to go NEAR a beach. ARGH!!!
OH! Jeeze… Commit me now! I think I’ve officially gone insane!!!
Any advice as to how to deal with deployment, however, would be very helpful. And also, feel free to administer a boot to an ass of anyone mistreating a child. I think that if we take that on as a National Initiative (as a function of promoting a healthy sleep pattern for one particular grad student) that a lot of good could come of it, and I may get my REM cycles in.