Falling apart, in love…

…finding out that you’ll be caught is sometimes worth the fall…

My life over the last couple of years, particularly since having sweet Elliott, has been a very fine-tuned balancing act.  I, being the can-do person that my mamma raised, am quite capable of handling a lot.  But taking on a lot tends to take a lot out of a person.

Therein lies the problem. 

A few weeks ago when my internet wasn’t working, and it turned my world into a crazy mess of crisis and putting out fires for 3 days, I had an epiphany.  I informed Joe through exasperated sighs and attitude that I typically run on 98%, and have things covered.  But when a seemingly minor thing occurs, and it takes more than 2% of my time to get it taken care of, I have to pull from everything else that has to get done…and it takes me 3 days to catch back up. 

A balancing act, I tell ya.

His solution?  Well…he didn’t really have one.  Mainly because everything I do is stuff that needs to get done.  So he let me vent, chuckled when appropriate, and softly changed the subject to something with a more positive slant.

Today was one of those days were everything just piled up and I spent the entire day feeling like I was barely keeping my head above water.  My main problem is that Mother Nature has had it out for me for life…and now she’s effing with my dissertation data collection.  Most likely (during my week of baseline) we’ll be cancelled 2 days for snow.  And that just kind of steam-rolled everything else.

So tonight, when my sweet husband asked me about my day, and he got heavy sobs and hiccups over an email…he did exactly what he was supposed to do. 

Nothing.

And everything.  He didn’t try to fix, he didn’t minimize…he listened, and “baby”-ed me, and threw in a small lecture about shaking things off and being able to handle anything.  He also threw in the “worlds greatest mother” speech for good measure. 

And it felt good.

To fall apart for a few minutes, and just let the heavy tears and sobs do their cleanse.  To not be the mom who has to hold it together for her child.  Or the consultant who has to check her feelings so she can be effective at teaching.  To be the one who smiles at the bitchy sales clerk because it’s the right thing to do. 

Sometimes it just feels good to selfishly let go, and be that silly, dramatic, head-strong girl who fell in love with a strong and gentle man.  The man who catches her when she stumbles, and always knows exactly what to say.

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